All The Love In The World

My baby.  She is so sick.

Her Momma.  She is a wreck.

I hold her, I rock her, I sing to her, I talk to her, I tell her over and over and over again how much I love her.  But it occurred to me last night in the wee small hours of the morning, that all the love in the world can’t make my baby feel any better.

So I cry.

It doesn’t help.

She depends on me for her every need and I can’t help her.  As the self-proclaimed control freak that I am, that makes me a complete and total wreck.  She is my baby.  I can’t help her.  Do the math.

But, it’s times like these, when I cannot make sense of things, that I stop.  I stop and say thank you for all that we have and all that we are…all that we are so immensely blessed with every minute of every day.  What else is there to do?

Last night as I was rocking Lyla, praying for her, praying for the lesson and giving thanks for my incredible family; Lyla started rubbing her little hand up and down my arm over and over again.  Up and down, up and down.  Just rubbing my arm.  (We call that “love hands” around here when we’re teaching how NOT to hit.  And if you have more than one child, you know exactly what I mean.)

She was giving Mommy love hands in the middle of the night.  While she’s the sick one, all covered in hives, so stuffed up she can barely breathe, and itching from head to toe.  She’s giving Mommy love hands!

And there it was.  The most beautiful gift in the world.  Right there in my arms.  I wiped away my tears and quickly illuminated her pitch black room with one very, very big smile.  It was as though she said, “It’ll be okay, Mommy.”

She is an angel.  She is so special.  She will get better.  And for that I am so very thankful, and I intend, no matter how fruitless, on continuing to give her all the love in the world…and then some!!